Sedimentary Revelations

...memories/ light the corners of my mind/ misty, water-coloured memories....

I've compared the progress of the disease to sedimentary rock in a sandstorm, with the sand gradually wearing away the recent layers, destroying the rock formation, but in the process, revealing forgotten nuggets of information, memory, personal history.

"When I was a girl, there were places on the streetcar for white people to sit, and black people sat in another area. Same with the busses, everywhere. When I took a trip to New York City to visit an aunt, I saw a man and a woman, black and white, walking hand in hand. I had never seen that before. You didn't see it, not in the South."

My mother was born in 1944.

This one is more personal, and to do with Mason jar coffee.

"My mother used to carry her coffee with her in little bottles everywhere. She didn't make it, one of the maids did, but she'd carry it in glass bottles when we were away from home. We were on vacation, at a restaurant, and she ordered milk, and asked them to heat it up. And they would, you know. So the waitress comes with the hot milk on a tray. Meanwhile, my mother has poured coffee from the bottle in her bag into her cup that was on the table. So when this waitress pours hot milk into my mother's cup, all this dark stuff swirls up from the cup and wasn't she astonished, like a magic trick. Her face was very surprised."

I'm going to catch as many of these time capsules as I can manage, like ancient Pokemons of the mind. Now THERE's a Fixed Point event for you; it's been just 4 days since the Big Release of Go.


Barbara Streisand; The Way We Were 

Memory Tea

...A B C D/ Can I bring my friend to tea? /E F G H I J/ I love you....

Hey, Mom.

"Hey, what?"

‘Member that iced tea stuff you used to make in summertime? It had Tang and maybe cinnamon?

"Yes, probably."

Probably you remember, or probably cinnamon?

"Probably cinnamon. Remembering? You know better."

So, what else was in it?

"Lemonade mix, I seem to recall."

Right, and instant iced tea. This Lipton instant, is that it?

She shrugs. I pick up the jar. It’s glass, and I can see through the bottom.

Yes. This looks familiar.

She laughs.

What?

"I don’t know how you can look at that when you’re thinking of something I made a hundred years ago and say that it looks familiar."

The tea, it looks powdery. Little fluffy round crystals. That’s what looks familiar.

I show her. She agrees.

"Let me know how it turns out."

It’s not likely that she remembers the proportions, if she ever had any. She may have just taken all the containers, dumped them together and stirred in as much cinnamon as she felt like using, then portioned the whole mess back into the empty containers. That was her style.

I didn't believe that I’d find the recipe online, but doubting the web isn’t a bright thing for me to do. I found several recipes, all very similar.  However, all of them refer to this beverage as a hot drink. I remember my mother mixing it up in pitchers and serving it over ice. I think it was her crunchy granola hippie compromise for soda.

I bought the ingredients, but haven’t mixed them yet. I’m a little afraid that no matter what I do, I won’t capture in my mouth the memory in my mind.

Resee Witherspoon’s version sounds like my mother.

"My grandmother had this spiced tea recipe — it's very southern. You take instant powdered tea, a can of Tang, a can of powdered lemonade, and you mix them all together with some nutmeg and cinnamon. I'm telling you, southern people will know this recipe. And you shake it all up, then you put it in a Mason jar, and put a piece of fabric on top and a piece of ribbon around it. Then, whenever you want, just put two scoops in hot water. It's the most delicious thing in the world."

Read more: Reese Witherspoon's Recipe for Spiced Tea - Good Housekeeping 

This one sounded right, and referenced Girl Scout days. 

 

Spice Tea with Tang

1 cup instant iced tea (plain, lemon, sweetened, unsweetened)
2 cups Tang instant breakfast drink
1 tablespoon of allspice or pumpkin pie spice

Mix well and use as is, or add some Jello (lemon, orange, lime,?) instant lemonade mix, or powdered apple cider mix. For a mug: Add one heaping tablespoon of the mix to a mug of boiling water. Stir to dissolve. Drink when it’s cool enough to stand it.

http://chickensintheroad.com/farm-bell-recipes/spice-tea-made-with-tang/

My mother might have learnt it through Girl Scouts, except she was a scout troupe leader in the late ‘70s, and I remember drinking this stuff when we lived in Indiana, in the early '70s. She couldn’t have learned it when she was a Girl Scout, because Tang hadn’t been invented yet.

Yes, whippersnappers, I remember when Tang was invented. Shaddap. Also, it used to come in grape.

This one came up on the Cooks.com recipe search. It has enthusiastic reviews!! Note the enthusiasm!!!

SPICED TANG TEA
1 c. instant tea 14 oz. Tang 1 tsp. ground cloves 2 tbsp. cinnamon 1 pkg. lemon flavored Kool Aid Mix all dry ingredients well. Add 1 cup of sugar to mix or sweeten to taste. Use 2 Tbsp. for 1 cup of hot water. http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,183,152163-254199,00.html

"I had a severe case of bronchitis and lost my voice. My mother-in-law made this for me but substituted allspice for the cloves. Within 2 days I felt so much better and I had my voice back!! I don't know if it's all the vitamin C from the Tang or what but if you're sick this stuff is a definite necessity AND it tastes great!!!"

"This is awesome stuff for sore throat, sickness, and a yummy evening or morning beverage. This has been passed down two generations in my family."

This last one sounds most like what I think I remember, and has suggestions for packaging it as an inexpensive gift for a child’s teacher.

Spiced Tea Mix Recipe

2 cups orange-flavored drink mix (Tang)

1 cup lemon flavored instant tea powder (has sugar mixed in)

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon ground cloves

TO MAKE A CUP:  Mix 3 teaspoons of mix to a mug of hot water.  Mmm, enjoy!

http://marythekay.typepad.com/marythekaytheblog/2011/11/easy-thanksgiving-giftsthankful-jars-with-spiced-tea.html

Okay, and I lied. I did mix it all up, and taste-tested it both hot and iced. The moment the cinnamon hit the Tang/tea mixture, my nose said, "Ahh! THAT's the stuff!" So. But because I had an array of bakin spices, I fiddled around. The cinnamon's the important bit... to me. The other spices are just gilding.

Here it is:
Memory Spiced Tea Mix
(regular batch)
In large bowl, mix together:
2 Cups Orange Tang
1 Cup Lipton Instant Iced Tea Powder
1 Cup Lemonade Mix
2 tsp Ground Cinnamon
1 tsp Ground Allspice
1 tsp Ground Ginger
1 tsp Ground Cloves
1/4 tsp Ground Mace
(This is because I had Mace, which I usually don't and is completely unnecessary and just a bit too posh for this homey little recipe. If you don't have Mace but want the posh version, try 1/2- 1tsp ground nutmeg)
(large batch)
In large bowl, mix together:
3 Cups Orange Tang (one whole container)
1 1/2 Cups Lipton Instant Iced Tea Powder
1 1/2 Cups Lemonade Mix
3 tsp Ground Cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp Ground Allspice
1 1/2 tsp Ground Ginger
1 1/2 tsp Ground Cloves
1/4 tsp Ground Mace
(this will fit nicely into 2 large Mason jars)
(gigantic no-leftovers batch)
4 22 oz. Mason Jars, with lids, empty and clean (or mix it together then put it in all the empties)
In large bowl, mix together:
2 Containers Orange Tang Powder
1 Jar Lipton Instant Iced Tea Powder
1 Container Lemonade Mix
6 tsp Ground Cinnamon
3 tsp Ground Allspice
3 tsp Ground Ginger
3 tsp Ground Cloves
1/2 tsp Ground Mace

Use 1 -2 heaping Tbsp per glass or mug. Share and enjoy!

If you try any version, let me know how it turns out.

( The Beatles; All Together Now)

Swirley Hat

HatDesign
Originally uploaded by xoxcybele

Swirly Hat Pattern- adult medium- 21 ½ inches around

Use any size circular needle, at least 24" total length
Use any yarn you like.

Do a swatch test to determine whether yarn: needle ratio will give you a fabric density you like. You can also count stitches per inch, and measure your head. Depending on the thickness of your yarn, you will have more or fewer rounds, and more or fewer M1 stitches.

Cast on 8 in the round
Crown:
Round 1: knit
Round 2: *K1, M1 around
Round 3: Knit
Round 4: K2, M1 around
Round 5, and all odd rows: Knit
Round 6: K3, M1 around
Round 8: K4, M1 around
Round 10: K5, M1 around

{ continue adding 1 K stitch before an M1 in all even rounds and knitting all odd rounds until circle is at least 5" in diameter (across) }

{ for an Adult Small, 5" diameter circle when beginning the body of the hat;
Adult Medium, 5 ½" diameter; Adult Large, 6" diameter}

Turn of Crown:
Round 12: K6, M1 around
Round 13: Knit
Round 14: K7, M1 around
Round 15 Knit
Round 16: K8, M1 around
Round 17: Knit

{ Body of Hat: continue to make swirl pattern by doing M1, immediately followed by a decrease, in this case SSK. SSK leans to the left side, whereas K2tog leans right. You want a left leaning decrease. }
Body:
Round 18: SSK, K9, M1 around
Round 19: Knit
Round 20 and all even rounds: SSK, K9, M1 around
Round 21 and all odd rounds: Knit

{ continue until the body of the hat measures the length you need for head dimensions, usually 4 ½ - 5 ½ " in length, depending upon the size of the melon of the hat wearer }

Brim:
Switch to 3 x1 ribbing.
K3, P1
Work even until brim (ribbing) measures 1 ½". Cast off in ribbing pattern.

There will be a small hole at the top of this hat. Cover it with a pompon, patch, or appliqué, or leave it alone. It's not big enough to let your brains leak out, promise.

Eating It

...it's a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in bacon...mmmmmmm....


Deviled Egg Salad:

Boiled Eggs
Mayonaisse
Dijon mustard
Paprika
Salt n pepper
parsley
horseradish
3 or 4 Stalks of celery, including leaves

Boil eggs ( I used a dozen) let cool, peel and chop them with the celery. Add herbs and spices (juist a LITTLE horseradish!) Add 3 parts mayo, 1 part sour cream, 1 part dijon mustard, stir until lumpy. Adjust seasonings as needed.

Salmon-Dill Spread:

1 block of cream cheese, softened
1 can salmon, drained and bones removed (your pussy will be very happy!)
Dill

Blend salmon into cream cheese gradually, adding dill unitl it seems about right. Store in a plastic box with a lid. Serve with crackers or bagels.

Favorite Sandwiches:

Grilled cheddar and tomato on wheat.

RUEBEN!

Cream cheese -n- olive on an Everything bagel.

Peanut butter and cucumber.

Egg salad with lettuce on pumpernickel.

Traveling Troll:

sliced avocado, muenster cheese, alfalfa sprouts on 12 grain bread spread with Caesar dressing.
add tomato or cucumber slices.
subtract Caesar dressing; use tatziki instead.

tatziki dressing : (much more complicated than the Troll Itself)
the secret to make thick gyro sauce.... moisture (water) will make the sauce run thin.

Ingredients
8 oz. plain yogurt (not low-fat)
1 medium cucumber
1/8 teaspoon white pepper or 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon white sugar
2 tablespoon dill
2 peeled garlic cloves, finely minced
Juice of 1/2 lemon

The night before making Tzatziki, place the yogurt in a paper towel lined strainer over another bowl and leave it in the fridge overnight. This thicker yogurt-cheese is the perfect consistency for Tzatziki. This step is not necessary if using Greek yogurt.
Peel and seed the cucumber. Place the cucumbers in a strainer over a bowl and cover with salt. This will leech out a lot of the water and help assure you have a thick sauce.

Place chopped cucumber in a small bowl
stir in garlic , lemon juice, salt, sugar, black pepper, dill.
Gently blend in yogurt; do not over-mix.
Cover bowl and immediately place in refrigerator
leave undisturbed for 24 hours so the ingredients blend and sauce re-thickens (keep chilled)
Makes about 2 cups

Strange Ringmates

...won't be long now/ getting strong now/ Gonna fly now/ flying high now....

Those of you who follow Primarily Decorative (hi, Mom!) may recall that she's a big fan of juxtaposition. Therefore it will come as no surprise that her newest fascination is Chess Boxing.



Brains! Brutality! Bare chests! Also, an accordian.



Okay, that's about enough excitement for a cloudy Wednesday morning.

(Gonna Fly Now-Theme from "Rocky"; Bill Conti)

Prompt, Return.

...If you want to destroy my sweater/ Hold this thread as I walk away/ As I walk away/ Watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked.....

It's not that I haven't been writing; it's that I haven't been writing HERE. I guess I need/want more interaction, and I've not felt as if I was dancing for anyone but myself here. So I've been on a weirdly wonderful site for fibre artists which has resources, but also groups and forum boards. They sucked me in the way chat rooms never did.

Posted today to the "Poets And Writers Who Knit" group.

Write something without using the letter ‘e’ at all.

Write a day from the point of view of the dog. Or the lawn chair. Or the homeless person on the bench.

Write a piece with words that smell or taste.

Write a letter to your favorite (dead person, fictional character, angel, pet) then mail it to yourself.

Write with your non-dominant hand.

Write your own obituary. Write your own eulogy. Put them with your Will.

Write a business letter entirely in LOLcat.

Write based on a word chosen at random from the dictionary.

Write like Yoda.

Write a paragraph that ‘sounds like’: the swishing of leaves, the clatter of the city, the roar of the ocean.

Write like Charlotte Bronte.

Write something beautiful about something ugly.

Write the reverse of a suicide letter: I’ve decided to live because….

Write like Yoda attempting Bronte.

Write the shopping list of a villain, real or fictional.

Write a love letter to your favorite body part.

Write me a message if any of these are helpful.

I suppose I haven't actually been blocked, just blocked for the sort of thing I generally post here.

Working through that, though with this list of prompts, one would think I've no excuse for blockage at all.


(Undone (The Sweater Song); Weezer)

Summer Reading

...in a perfect world where everyone was equal/ I'd still own the film rights and be working on the sequel...



Current:

The World Without Us, by Alan Weisman. The premise of this book is "What would happen to the things we've built if humans stopped existing on the planet?" It's anthropological, biological, ecological, and just fascinating reading. I've already promised it to someone, and I'm only to page 60.


Why Things Bite Back, technology and the revenge of unintended consequences, by Edward Tenner. I have a feeling this is going to be a sort of sociological examination of consumerism, and will be as much about attitudes and expectations as mechanics. It was this very combination that made me love Why We Buy, the science of shopping, by Paco Underhill. I think of 'unintended consequences' in relation to the drug industry, except lately I've begun to suspect that drug companies are inventing ailments in order to sell useless drugs that cause side effects, requiring other drugs. I'll admit to being paranoid; this doesn't mean my theory's wrong. Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation: the dark side of the all-American meal, also an examination of consumerism, was engaging and moved along, but didn't precisely have a plot, so I'm not sure how it could be made into a movie. Despite the presence of Patricia Arquette, I haven't seen it; anybody? Worth renting?

The Third Domain, the untold story of archaea and the future of biotechnology, by Tim Friend. This begins with the author underwater, in a particularly filthy puddle in New York City's Central Park. It's a scientific exploration of microbes, and it reads like a Michael Crichton novel. By the way, his (Crichton's) novel, Next, (not well reviewed) was not that bad. Okay, not Jurassic Park, but not bad. It raised interesting questions, coined a couple of terms I expect to hear in common use fairly soon, and had some wry funny bits. And a monkey.


Recent:

The Mind And The Brain, neuroplasticity and the power of mental force, by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. and Sharon Begley. It's about the way our brains can and will remap themselves based on how we use them. There are some uncomfortably vivid descriptions of certain experiments that were crucial parts of the phenomena under discussion, which were tough to get through, but the writing is engaging and accessible without being simplistic or condescending. This is now one of the three books I give away regularly.

Still on tap:

You Suck, by Christopher Moore. It's a novel. I'm saving it. Chris Moore doesn't write fast enough to suit me.




(Everyday I Write The Book; Elvis Costello)

Monday List

...I said "Whaaaat"/ she said "Ooo-ooo-ooo-wee"/ I said "All right"....


Fruit fragranced disposable shavers
Heatstroke
Twelve year old Elvis impersonator
First day brilliance
A one-handed construction worker
Cancer in the family
The Spanish Inquisition
Letter from a dead man
Elvis suit made in 48 hours
Reprecussions
Cream puff on a stick
Life vest on an expressway on-ramp



(Undercover Angel; Alan O'Day)

Linguistolutionary Linkage

...don't know much geography/ don't know much trigonometry/ don't know much about algebra/ don't know what a slide rule is for....

You may not share my passion for punctuation or language.

You may not appreciate my favorite LOLcat image:



or like my favorite joke:

Descartes walks into a bar. "What'll you have, Rene?" asks the bartender, "Gin and tonic?"

Descartes shakes his head and says, "I think not," and disappears.

or others of that ilk. Indeed, you may not care for any any sort of word-play.

You may disagree while I applaud CityPaper's sound chastisment of the shabby submissions to last year's fiction contest:

Now, we're not saying that these observations are false nor that they don't deserve creative treatment, but if all you know of them is what you see on TV, your readers are going to see right through you. Conversely, if you are reporting from the front of your life, remember to put some of yourself into it. In the maxim "write what you know," it is always true to mine extensively what you know, but such truth means nothing if you don't put any effort into the writing part.

Consider this year's contest intro some friendly words of constructive criticism, some hard/fast rules we'd like to share with the aspiring young scribes of today. Poets, wacky formatting doesn't make up for the fact that you have nothing to say; fiction writers, everyone has, at some point, written or thought of writing a story that takes place around last call at the bar. Everybody, big words don't make you sound smart if you don't know how to use them. Don't use "u" for "you" or "2" for "to" or "too." If your piece is supposed to be a metaphor for something, don't overplay it. Spell out the swear words; we're an alt-weekly, for fuck's sake. Eerily specific pro-drive-by shooting stories tend to make your readers uneasy. Far be it from the half-assed neologism-prone writers over here to cast stones, but if you're Frankensteining a word as if English were German, please let the context of the sentence offer some suggestions as to what it might mean. Writing Black American English isn't merely dropping the final g's off gerundives; for the love of anything resembling self-respect, don't assume you can write a variety of American English if you've never actually spent time with the people who speak it.

And, once and for all, just because you don't know--or choose to ignore--the customs of grammar or spelling, that doesn't mean they can't do your writing any favors. Don't care how gifted and smart and cute you think you are--you have to know the rules to break the rules, and by some estimates the English language is more than 1,000 years old: Who the hell are you to change it?

plus I luuuurve the word 'Frankensteining', which, when I use it, I often (strangely) need to explain. Whut?

(We will let pass the superfluous apostrophe in 'final g's off gerundives', though the phrase could easily have been restructured to avoid it.)

You may not believe in evolution as anything other than a theory. That's fine. Myself, I'm not a big fan of the theory of gravity, in either context.

Possibly you wouldn't believe that all babies, regardless of culture, come pre-programed with rudimentary language, or that they lose it if no one responds appropriately within their first three monts.

Maybe you don't care that relatively few people have any conscious awareness of the body language they broadcast, or receive, and therefore would not be astounded by the levels of communication in the face alone. This may be of no interest to you.

Since 'abstraction' and 'syntax' are distinguishing factors of true 'language', perhaps the 'words' spoken by prarie dogs do not constitute language. This may not even be a thing that makes you go 'hmmm.'

The idea that other animals also has a grammar may be less entertaining to you than idle chat at bus stops or on elevators.

You may find it inexplicable that Ms. Primarily Decorative Grammarian is intensely interested in the language of LOLcats, and when communicating via text message has given up perfectly spelled and structured sentences, instead sending this sort of thing:

O hai i ar with ur juglr, drinkin margaritaz.

or receiving

O hai I not b steelin ur bedz 2nite.

(actual examples).

It may not interest you to know that this is different from engrish, poorly phrased instructions or assertions that are both public and accidental. Done deliberately, it ceases to be engrish; LOLcat is never engrish, but engrish might sometimes be LOLcat, though this is actually difficult.

A well-known quote

All your base are belong to us

seems halfway to LOLcat already. However, if you try to adjust it as it stands and come up with

All ur base ar belong to we

you see that this is unacceptable, even if you don't care. To fit the format/syntax, the whole sentence must be rearranged, added to and subtracted from, as in

O hai, I stoled ur bases

or

Ur bases, we has tehm

.

(note the restoration of the pluralizing 's'. I know. Esoteric and uninteresting. How does she do it?)


So you may not appreciate this article about writing computer code in LOLcat- (in fact, the term 'LOLcat' to indicate this dialect was never a foregone conclusion. At least one writer used the term 'kitty pidgin' -a phrase that's akin to naming a dog 'Bear', in my opinion- or alternately, 'LOL-kitteh'.)

You may now be yawning and dozing to the point of dropping your laptop on the floor (logic board repair: $600.), but I find this man's in-depth analysis of the LOLcat phenomena and its relationship to the evolution of internet language pretty intense, insightful stuff.

But if you're bored, skip all this geekiness to drool over nice boobies.


(What a Wonderful World; Sam Cooke)

Introducing.... Zizi!

"You don't play Tic-Tack-Toe with the king anymore," That Girl observed.

No. I don't. Probably I never will.

"Why not?"

It was my special thing with Bill. Mimi played the game with the king, but not any king, just THAT one.


This weekend, August 11th and 12th, is Opening Weekend at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Festival. Mimi will perform her Silent Stories show:

Mimi the Mime - The child within understands exactly what Mimi is telling us as we wonder in amazement at the hysterical antics of this marvelous wordless storyteller! Avalon Hill Kid's Kyngdom at 12:30, 2:00 and 3:30.

(For the record, I did NOT write that copy.)

Special bonus, around the Shire:

Max




and Zizi.


(Test shot from early makeup session.)



(Shot on the occasion of Zizi's debut.)


Our beloved Gigi


has gone travelling, and so Zizi has joined us. Everyone will love her. I demand it.

The entire troupe, Mimi & Max, Lili, and now Zizi


will perform at the Maryland Renaissance Festival, which opens on the 25th of August. See you then!



(I will not be wearing a red carnation. I will, however, be wearing- you guessed it- Mimi Pink.)




* My thanks to all of the fabulous photographers who make us look so good.

Thematic Variations

...turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip/ so show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle/and then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"....




"Hope you're ready to put out."

Uh, yeah.

"Sorry, that wasn't really romantic, was it?"

Oh, are you kidding? I bought the T-shirt.

(Snickering.)"You what?"

Seriously. My T-shirt? Says 'Ready To Put Out' right across my chest.

(More snickering.)

Not that I'll be wearing it long.

*****

Check out this lovely shirt. Sigh. So true.

*****


"What time is it?"

You mean now?

"Wiseass."

Ten thirty-five.

"Fuck. I gotta go."

Kids, don't say 'fuck' in front of your father.

"Wiseass."






(The Bad Touch; Bloodhound Gang)

Retro Bubblegum

...I like/ where we are/ when we drive/ in your car/ I like/ where we are/ here....



Enough with heavy stuff. Judging by the stultifying silence, this sort of post will happen again, oh, probably never.

Fortunately, I do have a stash of emergency fluff for occasions such as this.

Depeche Mode plus Soft Cell plus The Human League plus Cure plus Adam Ant and multiplier/reverb with a pinch of Queen and a dash of Styxx equals my favorite new album.

Excuse me, showing my years: of course I meant CD.

Those of you of a certain age will know what I'm talking about and if you have any idea what I'm talking about, well then, you'll know what I mean. I like that this band was initiated in 2001 as a recording project by a high school student creating synthesized power pop songs on his computer. Which means, ladies and gentlemen, that the PARENTS of said student were listening to the same things I liked during this kid's formative years.

Ahem.

Do NOT critique my happy upbeat danceable taste in retro-new-wave-punk-pop.

It has already been established that I am Primarily Decorative.



(Here (In Your Arms); HelloGoodbye)

Live version:

(before the stylist who floofed them up for Leno/Conan got ahold of them)



(Check out me, checking out the guns on that drummer.)

Wrong (funny) version:



In other news, DanTobinDanTobin is back in blog.

Serves Steve

...searchin' for my lost shaker of salt/ Some people claim that there's a woman to blame/ But I know, it's my own damn fault....


I

2 cups ice
1 cup limeade
1 cup tequila
1/2 cup triple sec
1/2 cup lime juice

*blend*


II

1 cup lime juice
1 cup tequila
1 cup triple sec
1 cup water
1 teaspoon sugar

*over ice*




(Margaritaville; Jimmy Buffett)

Je m'amuse

...Who needs shelter from the sun?/ Not me, no, not anyone.....


BlondeStar Grab the shiny thing.

Learn English on Japanese TV

Reminds me of the commercial Learn English.(Not work safe, just so you know. Well, depending on where you work, I suppose.)

I don't know what movie this English lesson is from, but this guy doing anything is funny. Even being a dentist.

At the other end of the spectrum, CuteOverload.

And, right up my personal alley (I didn't mean for that to sound filthy, but somehow it did), the grammar police post a billboard. Like, for real.





(Who Needs Shelter?; Jason Mraz)

Consider This

...it's a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in bacon...mmmmmmm....

Why I Didn't Learn To Type In 1983

Two words: IBM Selectric.

Anyone remember those? Anybody own one? Not me. Couldn't stand them. Turn it on, see, and it makes this NOISE.

Vrrrrrrvvvrrrrr, vrrrrrvvvrrrrrrr.

It shakes the desk with its huge vibrato self, so that any little item on your desk, say, gods forbid, a PLASTIC BALL POINT PEN so those items also rattle against the plastic laminate of the desk, adding their voices to the vibrato thrum.

Vrrrrvvvrrrrrrr, vrrrrrrvvvrrrrrrr tatatatatatatatatatatatatatat, clikitclikitclikitclikit.

This is all before you've touched any key but ON. Now, touch a key to type a letter. Just one. Go ahead.

Ka-POW!

Listen carefully, and you can hear the sound also of the key striking and pulling away from the paper.

Smick.Thwap.

Okay, so one key strike equals:

Ka-POW!smick,thwap.(Vrrrrrvvvvrrrrrr, vrrrrrvvvrrrrr tatatatatatatatatata clikitclikitclikitclikit)

If you'd like to type something more than one letter, say, your name, address, or a whole memo, you will need to hit the Return key after you- what? Yes, hear the bell at the end of the line. The carriage will return and the cylinder will turn, and there are distinct noises for those, as well. A review.

Vrrrrrvrrrrr, vrrrrvvvrrrrr, vrrrrrrrrrrvvvvrrrrrrrrr, tatatatatatatatatata clikitclikitclikitclikitclikit, ka-POWsmick,thwap, ka-POWsmick,thwap, ka-POWsmick, thwap, ka-POWsmick-thwap DING! zzzzhhhhwwwwhump, thunk. (vvvvvrrrrrvvvrrrrrvvvvvrrrrrrvvvrrrr, tatatatatatatatatata) Ka-POWsmick, thwap, Ka-POWsmick, thwap....

And when the Ka-POWs blend into one huge band of sound, then you can make out the sound of your fingers against the keys.

Tak, tak, takity tak takity takity takity tak tak tak takity tak tak tak tak takity takitytaktak takity tak tak takity tak tak tak tak. (Vrrrrrrvrrrrrvrrrrr tatatatatatatatatata, clikitclikitclikit) DING! zzzzzhwwwwhump, thunk.

I'm getting a headache, aren't you?

It's worse than a jet engine, worse than a lawn mower, worse than a vacuum cleaner, worse than a blowdrier. And the cord, which somehow manages to drape itself snakelike across your exposed ankle, pulses with electric power and heat, searing a streak across the strip of skin between sock and trouser leg.

No wonder, then, I didn't learn to type until soft little civilized plastic keyboards came out with polite little tik tik tik noises, and the letters against screen that make NO SOUND AT ALL.

As Asimov said when lacking a typewriter, scratching out a story by hand on hotel stationery, "It's not writing that's noisy. It's the typewriter."

I managed to write (by hand, no laptop in my toolbox yet) some edits on Watergate! the Musical, but what I really did was cut and paste scenes. My "hot" rewrites stand, most of them, and my "cold" rewrites should tighten the thing up. I lubricated my brain to the "what the fuck" point and then made edits as fast as I could, before I could lose that state of caring just enough, that state of far enough detatched. Hemingway starts to make sense. Warning flag, warning flag.

The potential hangover won't deter me. I never get them.

And now, to SpellCheck this monster.

Hrmph.