To Do:

...take it or you leave it/ things that they say, Honor Brite/ if I promised you the moon and the stars/ would you believe it....



1. Memorize "up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A"

2. Use randomly on internet, just for fun

3. Tell son this will ensure he passes his driving test

4. Laugh maniacally at this thought ALL DAY LONG



(The Alan Parsons Project; Games People Play)

Almost Random

...and he fills it only halfway/ and before I even argue/ he is looking out the window at somebody coming in....



12 sheets of copy paper
1/2 apple
2 rolls duct tape, partially used
1 blood-caked golf club
5 pencils, unsharpened
1 wood-handled push broom
15 candy wrappers
3 bungee cords
1 elf suit, minus shoes
7 hairpins
1 informational flyer, homeopathic cold remedies
1 mascara, black
3 tote bags, filled, various items
1 ball of fake mistletoe with red velveteen hang cord
26 index cards, neon
4 hang tags from purchased clothing
1 large Celtic brooch, brass
31¢ in change, 30¢ American, 1¢ Canadian
1 squishy latex cone, purpose unknown
6 ball point pens
1 yarn ball band, Lily Sugar N Cream
3/4 of an envelope with approximately 1/3 of a scribbled poem, unfinished
1 single-serve packet cream cheese
2 plastic bags
1 pair white gloves, kid leather
2 hot pink chenille stems, twisted together
1 bag for folding camp chair, no chair

(Suzanne Vega, Tom's Diner)

Going Guerilla?

...when their eloquence escapes me/ their logic ties me up and rapes me....

My Tonguebiting Inner Editor has been escaping more frequently and biting her tongue very little. She may become a permanent fixture or a super-hero or both. Red Penny: Apostrophe Avenger, Comma Co-ordinator, Semicolon Semanticist, Interrobang Interpreter...

It's enough that I'm faced with purchasing "cami's" or "DVD's" at my local shops, forced to suffer the comma-splicings of Subaru: "It's what makes a Subaru, a Subaru", assaulted by a drug company's (I've blocked which) catchy jingle of "O-N-E-L-E-S-S, I wanna be one less, one less", infuriated by my local police force's billboard announcement, "I save lives everyday, what do YOU do?" (I catch your errors, assholes. Hire a writer. 'Every day' is TWO words, and you need different punctuation between your two independent clauses- tell ya what: you draw guns and drive squad cars; I will write and edit) but to now face, on a daily basis, the social (mis)stylings of my 'friends', some of whom have been students- writing students!- of mine, has pushed me right to the edge.

Evidently, I'm not the only one.

You've been warned.


(The Police; De Doo Doo Doo, De Da Da Da)

Monday List

...try to kiss me, and laugh /in four or five paragraphs /All your compliments and your cutting remarks /Are captured here in my quotation marks....

1. It will never leach toxic chemicals into a landfill
2. I have one that belonged to my grandfather
3. It will survive a dip in the tub or pool if I fall asleep
4. I can lend it, give it away, donate it or display it
5. Its cost is reflective of something other than its age
6. I will happily hand one to a baby
7. If it's old, it can be cheap, free, or very expensive
8. It carries an aroma which is personal and exquisite
9. If I drop it, I can pick it up in one piece
10. It needs no instructions for use
11. It can be signed by the author
12. This is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen
13. Two words: gilt flashing


(Elvis Costello; Everyday I Write The Book)

Recycled Monday

...I'd change her sad rags into glad rags if I could (if I could)....

Pin inside purse as a cell phone pocket
Cut open for tiny towels or facecloths
Revamp as a shopping bag
Turn inside-out and put in soap scraps for a shower soap-pad
Use as puppets or golf-club covers
Stuff with fiberfill for a kid-bopper (comedic use only!) or dog toy
Knit a bathmat
Cover the end of a yardstick and clean under the fridge
Use the cuff part as wrist band or coffeecup cozy
Keep near the freezer for an ice bag
Create undies
Stuff in a tennis ball and knot it for another dog toy
Sew the bottom of the cuff part to be MP3 player cover



(Franki Valli and the Four Seasons: Rag Doll)

Longish Title

...I got this, you got this/Now you know it....

This is almost literally the only thing I've done today. Fucking rain.

Arugala April Poetry Tribute To Bebecka Lack


Seven AM I get up in the morning
Gotta cook fresh food in the kitchen downstairs
No clean bowls, can't have cereal
Seeing everything in the pantry
With expired 'best by' dates, gotta rush and
Gotta chow down on some quick slop
Carton from the fridge, I grab a pan

Salt is on my right side
Pepper's on my left side
Gotta make my mind up
Which spice can I shake?

It's fried egg, fried egg
Gotta chow down on fried egg
Wheat bread for my toast is just the butt end, butt end
Fried egg, fried egg
Scarfin down a fried egg
Every day I eat one and I worry about my rear end

You know what it is
I got eggs, you got eggs
They're not even green, say
I got ham, you got ham
Now you know it

Salt is on my right side
Pepper's on my left side
Gotta make my mind up
Which spice can I shake?

It's fried egg, fried egg
Gotta chow down on fried egg
Wheat bread for my toast is just the butt end, butt end
Fried egg, fried egg
Scarfin down a fried egg
Every day I eat one and I worry about my rear end

Dieting Dieting (yeah)
Tired of dieting (yeah)
Fun, fun, it's no fun
But I worry about my rear end

Last night I was thirsty, thirsty
Today I eat a fried egg
Me, me, me, I'm delighted
Burner ignited
Gonna eat up all my fried egg

Tomorrow is gym day
And I'll be sore afterwards
I won't eat this old piece of bread

It's fried egg, fried egg
Gotta chow down on fried egg
Wheat bread for my toast is just the butt end, butt end
Fried egg, fried egg
Scarfin down a fried egg
Every day I eat one and I worry about my rear end

I figure if I have to have that stupid song stuck in my head, it may as well have better lyrics.


I'll be in a murder mystery tonight; Drop Dead, Gorgeous. But it's a private gig, so even if you wear a red carnation, I won't see you there.

(Rebecca Black; Friday)

Black Youtube

THAT SHIT AINT RIGHT MAN!!! IT UNHUMANTRY TO LISTEN TO THAT SHIT- MrSmalldude22, commenting on Rebecca Black's Friday

Okay, I find the Rebecca Black Friday song very funny for reasons I probably don't need to explain. I do not, however, advise listening to it. Instead, I recommend this cute parody by a couple of (it looks like) highschoolers. Or this version: Steven Colbert on Jimmy Fallon.

If this is the worst song ever, it's in good company. Seriously, doesn't anybody remember Leonard Nimoy's 'Proud Mary'? That one is SO bad that the painful Ballad of Bilbo Baggins seems, at least, mercifully short.

Let's not forget classic rock band Styx, and the absurd Mr. Roboto. Now THAT was bad, even for the eighties.

Oh, if we want to consider something a bit less ancient, how aboutWe Like The Moon? Granted that Joel Vietch of Rathergood is the genius behind Happy Spacemen, and Love Me Like You Used To, We Like The Moon, well, that song was just BAD.

Perhaps deliberately so.

And "unhumantry" is my new favorite made-up word.