24 May, 2011

Going Guerilla?

...when their eloquence escapes me/ their logic ties me up and rapes me....

My Tonguebiting Inner Editor has been escaping more frequently and biting her tongue very little. She may become a permanent fixture or a super-hero or both. Red Penny: Apostrophe Avenger, Comma Co-ordinator, Semicolon Semanticist, Interrobang Interpreter...

It's enough that I'm faced with purchasing "cami's" or "DVD's" at my local shops, forced to suffer the comma-splicings of Subaru: "It's what makes a Subaru, a Subaru", assaulted by a drug company's (I've blocked which) catchy jingle of "O-N-E-L-E-S-S, I wanna be one less, one less", infuriated by my local police force's billboard announcement, "I save lives everyday, what do YOU do?" (I catch your errors, assholes. Hire a writer. 'Every day' is TWO words, and you need different punctuation between your two independent clauses- tell ya what: you draw guns and drive squad cars; I will write and edit) but to now face, on a daily basis, the social (mis)stylings of my 'friends', some of whom have been students- writing students!- of mine, has pushed me right to the edge.

Evidently, I'm not the only one.

You've been warned.

(The Police; De Doo Doo Doo, De Da Da Da)

09 May, 2011

Monday List

...try to kiss me, and laugh /in four or five paragraphs /All your compliments and your cutting remarks /Are captured here in my quotation marks....

1. It will never leach toxic chemicals into a landfill
2. I have one that belonged to my grandfather
3. It will survive a dip in the tub or pool if I fall asleep
4. I can lend it, give it away, donate it or display it
5. Its cost is reflective of something other than its age
6. I will happily hand one to a baby
7. If it's old, it can be cheap, free, or very expensive
8. It carries an aroma which is personal and exquisite
9. If I drop it, I can pick it up in one piece
10. It needs no instructions for use
11. It can be signed by the author
12. This is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen
13. Two words: gilt flashing

(Elvis Costello; Everyday I Write The Book)