26 June, 2007

So, Stephanie...

...trying to please/ all these people around me/ is trying to reach for the moon...

Stephanie asked:

If money were not an object, would you wish to sit one season out at MDRF and just go as a patron to be entertained? or would you miss being Mimi just too much to be able to do that?

((I have a second one as well - has any parent ever gotten upset when Mimi swipes a baby? The babies always seem quite happy to be soaring above the crowd.))

Gut response: No.

Intellectual response: Heyaaall no!

Considered response: Are you KIDDING? Mimi is probably the most entertained person in the village, possibly the entire Baltimore/Washington area, and perhaps all of the Eastern Seaboard.

I’ve been a visitor for a whole day and that was plenty, thanks. After I was broken, in 2003, Sparky brought me out to the Faire. I mostly was parked outside the White Hart tavern, and ended the day with a lap full of roses. Having that level of lovingkindness bestowed upon me was wonderful, but honestly, I'd rather had been working.

I have so much fun, and so much to do when I'm working that I'm not sure I could be adequately entertained as a patron for a weekend, never mind a whole season.

Plus, Mimi would never tolerate being sidelined.

I mean, there we are at HonFest, my girl and I, [hairsprayed updo by a transvestite who says ‘hang on, honey, we’re going to God': $20; funnel cake rechristened ‘hun’nle cake: $4.00; flamingo-shaped earrings: $12.00; hula-hooping at the Houlihan’s booth in hot pink platform sandals: well, you know.], stopping frequently to be the subject of photo ops and I say to my girl, “This is almost like RenFest- we wear bright clothes and get our picture done.”

“Better,” she answers. “because we can talk.”

“Worse,” I refute, “because we’re not getting a paycheck.”

“Worse,” she giggles, “because in whiteface, when someone asks stupid questions, we don’t have to answer.”


Honfest? good fun. RenFest? even better.

And our view from above is better than most.

Keep in mind, I’ve been working this fair a loooong time. he mudpit used to be in front of the iced tea booth, near the ring where Court’s Court would happen each afternoon. The storyteller’s chair spent its first season nearby. All of those things were moved when Center Stage was built. Center Stage no longer exists, either.

I wrote plays performed by Dragons By the Tale on Castle Stage. Now, in that space, and in the space previously occupied by a zip-line based joust game, stands the giant pirate ship playground.

I often know storylines ahead of time, and I’ve seen one Queen Elizabeth and two Henry VIIIs preside, and I’ve lost count of how many wives. I have loved four joust troupes, and two ex-partners. I’ve eaten things that are no longer on any menu (though none that contained avocado) and embraced several vendors who have gone to the great beyond.

The faire I see is different from the one patrons see, because mine is comprised of everything I see on stage, everything I see going on behind it, and everything I remember about both from the past two decades. I see the where the food comes from, who camps next to whom in the campground, when the privies are pumped, which booths have been sold, and how many people have needed the First Aid staff each day. I know how many patrons came in last year, and the year before, and how many we anticipate this season.

My Faire is bigger than any patron experience could encompass. I couldn’t be a Designated Patron in Maryland. I know too much. There’s no illusion, no fantasy for me to indulge.

Why would I want to? As a patron in a plain face, I wouldn’t be invited to have sips of beer or oyster shooters by perfect strangers. No one would permit me to swipe a baby from parental arms.

Has any parent ever gotten upset? Absolutely- usually the spouse of the one who handed the baby to me. The babies themselves could be a crapshoot, but I try to choose ones who look interested. I ask, and the person holding the child agrees, but when permission-asking is non-verbal, it takes only a miniscule amount of time, so it does look as though I’ve snatched the child away. Once, when a lady handed me a baby, a bystander objected. She said, “How could you just hand your baby to that performer?” Christine shrugged and said, “It’s her baby,” and snapped a photo.

Mimi gets so much of a show working that I very nearly feel fraudulent collecting a paycheck. (Please do not tell the Management.) I truly am more entertained performing than I would be watching.

And I, satisfied with less? People, please.

(Entertain Me; Soft Cell)

25 June, 2007

Monday List

...saw a shimmering light/ my head grew heavy and my sight grew dim....

the Pip

(Hotel California; The Eagles)

18 June, 2007

New Feature:

...Monday, I could wait till Tuesday/ if I make up my mind...

Monday List

an apple
4 turtlenecks
2 Bratz dolls
orange electrical cord
feathered fascinator
bottle of Perrier
sock full of coins
pink silk skirt
small bottle of Bayer asprin
4 empty canvas totes
styrafoam peanuts
CD of The Matrix
silver serving tray
Apple iBook G4
glitter hairspray
bottle of AdvilMigrane
recorder flute, blue
2 banana peels
The Twits by Roald Dahl
tall rectangular Christmas tin
glass vase of fake roses
crash bag
3 left gloves
a broken iron
nail file
Spongebob Gameboy game
a black bra

(Seven Days, Sting)

13 June, 2007

Annotated Headlines

...found my way downstairs and drank a cup/ and looking up I noticed I was late....

I'll get back to answering questions in a minute, but first: these headlines.

What's wrong with this link? Tigers' Verlander No-Hits Brewers*

From BoingBoing, news of Ninjas Invading Italy.**

Oh, and here we go: Living Large And Loving It.***

Because Internet A Frightening Place.****

And from the shameless self-promotion department, Fluffy and Fuzzy and I will all be in a show called Vaudeville 2.0. We will not be in white-face.

Announcing: Vaudeville 2.0!

V2.0: A most superlative show!

Def: “Vau-de-ville 2.0”

1: theatrical entertainment consisting of a number of individual performances, acts, or mixed numbers, as by comedians, singers, dancers, acrobats, and magicians. 2. entertainment that will amaze (awe) and stupefy (duh) the village (ville) of Frederick.

1. a whole number, with no fractional portions. 2. the common vernacular way to refer to the second version of anything.

Originally French: chanson du vau de Vire ,1730-40, eventually shortened. Vaudeville is a genre of variety entertainment prevalent in the United States and Canada from the early 1880s until the early 1930s . Each evening's bill of performance was made up of a series of separate, unrelated acts. Types of acts included (among others) musicians, dancers, comedians, trained animals, magicians, impersonators, acrobats.

Vaudeville 2.0 as produced by Mark Lohr and Tim Marrone, of the recently revitalized Theatricks troupe, is a smorgasboard of variety acts for the whole family to enjoy. Acts include- but are not limited to-

• the magic of Michael Rosman
• Juggling
• Contortion by Shelly Guy
• fabulous clown routines
• Danger
• the poetic musical stylings of Joe Thompson
• Singing
• The piano prowess of Scott Morrow
• Slapstick
• And NO costume malfunctions

Cream pies not included.

At the Frederick Cultural Arts Center, 15 W. Patrick Street, Frederick, Maryland. 301-662-4190

Friday, June 15, 7 PM

Saturday, June 16, 10 AM, 2 PM and 7 PM

Tickets: $12 adults, $7 youth 14 and under

Naturally, I've been rehearsing lately, and most of my writing has been script or copy or programme or press release or flyer or poster for the show, which is why Stephanie is still waiting.

The rest of you perhaps, not so much.

*Where's the verb?

**Not really.


****Has this happened already?

(A Day In The Life; Beatles)

06 June, 2007

Peach's Reply

...bigger and sleeker/ and wider and brighter/ we bite and scratch and scream all night....

Peach asked: Where would I find your first aid supplies?

First response: Dunno.

Second response: With the avacados.

Informed response: In my bathroom closet, ostensibly on the middle shelf, but actually mixed at random with manicure products, clean towels, shampoo and lightbulbs.

Well, that was quick and stupid. Speaking of which, it's Wednesday! Time for Wednesday Links!

This week's theme is cats and bees.

One parent believes that bees are unfair.

Are bees simple? Find out.

Vanishing bees? Not really.

Yes, you too can enjoy the benefits of bee pollen.

And Lulu Eightball on bees.

For the one or two of you who may have missed it, LOLcats.

Scary cat news from BoingBoing; is this crazy or what?

Finally, check out these crazy cats. I don’t know whether to be pleased or frightened.

And, just to tie everything together, both cats and bees can cause injuries, requiring first aid.

(Lovecats; The Cure)

03 June, 2007

Answering Michael

...Walk right in it's around the back/ Just a half a mile from the railroad track/ You can get anything you want...

Mike asked: What's for dinner?

Beef. It's what's for dinner.

At least according to the meat marketing agency, and I don't mean an escort service.

According to me? Dunno.

I spend a significant portion of time thinking of ways to weasel out of cooking. There are several establishments that I'm happy to pay to feed me. I've taught the children to cook. Leftovers are a blessing. I am Queen of Cans: beans, cream of mushroom soup, and chicken broth are foundations of crazy hasty meals. My freezer is stocked with fishsticks and chicken tenders. My pantry contains an assortment of noodles and tomato sauces in jars. Eggs, scrambled, fried, or hard boiled. Can of chicken noodle soup and crackers. Cheese rolled up in a tortilla. Tuna salad on toast. Chunk of meat in the crockpot with dry onion dip mix and cream of celery soup. This sort of cooking-without-cooking is probably going to cost the children thousands in therapy.

The problem is, as chief caretaker of growing humans, I ought to be cooking two or three times a day. However, I only LIKE to cook two or three times a YEAR.

I don't have a huge interest in food. Left to myself, I'll eat hummus and olives and endive and apples. In no particular order, and sometimes all together. I'm fond salmon and avacado and bleu cheese, and there is a salad I enjoy- I forget what it's called- with romaine, pears, bleu cheese and candied walnuts, but I only have it when I see it listed on a plastic-coated menu.

I bake brownies once in awhile, have been known to make melon ball fruit dish, and I'll mix drinks for any occasion.

But if you're asking me to dinner, I'll have sashimi, seaweed salad and edamame, thanks.

(Alice's Restaurant; Arlo Guthrie)