..Well if it rains I don't care/ don't make no difference to me/ just take that streetcar that's goin' uptown...Oh black water, keep on rolling/ Mississippi moon won't you keep on shining on me...
People move at the pace of flowing honey, or not at all. Even blue dogs pant.
The inside is sticky with 90-degrees-plus-humidity sweat. The sleeve is soaked with riverwater. The front has a faint dusting of white powdered sugar.
This shirt is clear proof that I am in New Orleans; I may never wash it again.
(Black Water; Doobie Brothers)
08 June, 2008
03 June, 2008
Unacceptable Emission
...tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy....
It's a beautiful afternoon on the Baltimore Beltway. I'm cheerful; I'm topless. He's topless. In my rear view mirror, I notice his jaunty white hat, which matches his jaunty white golf shirt. I wonder if his trunk has space for a jaunty set of color-coordinated clubs. He pulls to the right side of me, and I smell cologne. He guns his silver 2008 Porsche Carrera 911 (retail: $93,000.00) to squash between my red 1997 Chrysler Sebring (purchased in 2007 for $4,300.00)and the Prius ahead of me. I still smell very strong, very stinky cologne. And continue to inhale this odor (oh, beg pardon: odeur, which costs more) for the next half-mile. I drop back. No relief. It's a nasal assault; I change lanes.
Proof yet again that money can't buy you taste.
(Can't Buy Me Love; The Beatles)
It's a beautiful afternoon on the Baltimore Beltway. I'm cheerful; I'm topless. He's topless. In my rear view mirror, I notice his jaunty white hat, which matches his jaunty white golf shirt. I wonder if his trunk has space for a jaunty set of color-coordinated clubs. He pulls to the right side of me, and I smell cologne. He guns his silver 2008 Porsche Carrera 911 (retail: $93,000.00) to squash between my red 1997 Chrysler Sebring (purchased in 2007 for $4,300.00)and the Prius ahead of me. I still smell very strong, very stinky cologne. And continue to inhale this odor (oh, beg pardon: odeur, which costs more) for the next half-mile. I drop back. No relief. It's a nasal assault; I change lanes.
Proof yet again that money can't buy you taste.
(Can't Buy Me Love; The Beatles)
01 June, 2008
Unlikely Viewing
...the drink will flow and blood will spill/ and if the boys want to fight, you'd better let them....
My favorite bit of the Saturday Night Fights was when Gina Carano, after being declared the winner on a TKO, walked over to Kaitlin Young's corner and gave her a little kiss.
My next favorite bit was after the final match of the evening, when Kimbo did the same thing to Colossus Thompson. Neither of these moments made the news, naturally. I cannot disagree in any large part with this statement, which did show up:
Well, no argument except "viewers got less than nine minutes of action", which they did not.
They got fewer than nine minutes of action.
(The Boys Are Back In Town; Thin Lizzy)
My favorite bit of the Saturday Night Fights was when Gina Carano, after being declared the winner on a TKO, walked over to Kaitlin Young's corner and gave her a little kiss.
My next favorite bit was after the final match of the evening, when Kimbo did the same thing to Colossus Thompson. Neither of these moments made the news, naturally. I cannot disagree in any large part with this statement, which did show up:
The pacing of the show suggest the promotion needs to work out the kinks before their second broadcast. CBS viewers got less than nine minutes of action over the first hour and a half of the broadcast. The show also ran more than 45 minutes over its allotted time, no doubt sending network station affiliate general managers into apoplectic fits as they waited to cut to their local news. Such an overage would be unheard of on an Ultimate Fighting Championship telecast.
Well, no argument except "viewers got less than nine minutes of action", which they did not.
They got fewer than nine minutes of action.
(The Boys Are Back In Town; Thin Lizzy)
21 May, 2008
Teevee; News?
...there's nothing I believe in more than my own insignificance/ so why does everybody think that my words can make a difference/ I just don't have time to think up every social consequence....
In Entertainment News (an oxymoron, in my opinion; I know- nobody asked), we see art imitating, um, art. If television (Law And Order SVU) and improv (ImprovEverywhere) qualify as art; there is some disagreement.
Also, you knew it was only a matter of time before obesity was blamed for global warming. You knew that. Right? On Reuters, folks, so you know it's true.
Satuday Night Live, not precisely improv, not exactly art, and for about two decades, not even funny, has recently come up with a few watchable items, including this one.
Yep, that's the actual Senator John McCain on SNL.
And the Democratic race continues. It's entertaining, at least to those of us who don't give a shit WHO we get, as long as GWB leaves office, please God.
Is it news? Is it art? Is it improv? The people promoting this miserable contraption would like us to believe it's improv. Er, improvement. But I thought we'd said goodbye to corsets, except as, mmmmmm, recreational lingerie.
Speaking of recreation, who hasn't heard the news about Ted Kennedy? Poor Ted. He's being described as "the last lion of the Senate", and everyone everywhere is wishing him a full recovery. Excuse me? I like his iconic value, and think he provided the template for our loveably excessive ex-president Bill Clinton, but let's remember that Ted's only the most famous of a family of Congressional drunk drivers . Malignant tumor? I imagine that Mary Jo Kopechne is snickering in her grave. I guess this'll ruin his bid for the 2012 Presidential race.
Finally, I'm certain many of us were extremely anxious about the plight of pandas in earthquake-stricken China. They're going to be fine.
In case that was your top concern this week.
(Politically Correct; SR71)
In Entertainment News (an oxymoron, in my opinion; I know- nobody asked), we see art imitating, um, art. If television (Law And Order SVU) and improv (ImprovEverywhere) qualify as art; there is some disagreement.
Also, you knew it was only a matter of time before obesity was blamed for global warming. You knew that. Right? On Reuters, folks, so you know it's true.
Satuday Night Live, not precisely improv, not exactly art, and for about two decades, not even funny, has recently come up with a few watchable items, including this one.
Yep, that's the actual Senator John McCain on SNL.
And the Democratic race continues. It's entertaining, at least to those of us who don't give a shit WHO we get, as long as GWB leaves office, please God.
Is it news? Is it art? Is it improv? The people promoting this miserable contraption would like us to believe it's improv. Er, improvement. But I thought we'd said goodbye to corsets, except as, mmmmmm, recreational lingerie.
Speaking of recreation, who hasn't heard the news about Ted Kennedy? Poor Ted. He's being described as "the last lion of the Senate", and everyone everywhere is wishing him a full recovery. Excuse me? I like his iconic value, and think he provided the template for our loveably excessive ex-president Bill Clinton, but let's remember that Ted's only the most famous of a family of Congressional drunk drivers . Malignant tumor? I imagine that Mary Jo Kopechne is snickering in her grave. I guess this'll ruin his bid for the 2012 Presidential race.
Finally, I'm certain many of us were extremely anxious about the plight of pandas in earthquake-stricken China. They're going to be fine.
In case that was your top concern this week.
(Politically Correct; SR71)
13 May, 2008
Light Headed
...What I’ve got you’ve got to give it to your daughter/ You do a little dance and then you drink a little water....
In this issue: Fluffy's debut with Do Or Die Productions, website currently under construction; Fuzzy's dance recital in which her mother is convinced that the child is in fact the most perfect creature at least within range of visibility; I am instructed to skip the Mandatory Family Gathering on Mother's Day and spend the day child-free getting a manicure and a cocktail; the weather in this and every other region gets weirder and weirder; the Primaries continue; some very small dogs are born at my mother's house, to much exhaultation and snorgling; the Questing Sniff is injured and manages to not maul my arm too badly as I assist him; television is sort of exciting again; I discover to my horror the price of tickets to the Preakness Stakes and decide that maybe I won't go this year even though the race might not be at Pimlico next year after all.
In other news, one pint and ten inches.
Given, not received.
In case you went elsewhere with that.
(Give It Away; Red Hot Chili Peppers)
In this issue: Fluffy's debut with Do Or Die Productions, website currently under construction; Fuzzy's dance recital in which her mother is convinced that the child is in fact the most perfect creature at least within range of visibility; I am instructed to skip the Mandatory Family Gathering on Mother's Day and spend the day child-free getting a manicure and a cocktail; the weather in this and every other region gets weirder and weirder; the Primaries continue; some very small dogs are born at my mother's house, to much exhaultation and snorgling; the Questing Sniff is injured and manages to not maul my arm too badly as I assist him; television is sort of exciting again; I discover to my horror the price of tickets to the Preakness Stakes and decide that maybe I won't go this year even though the race might not be at Pimlico next year after all.
In other news, one pint and ten inches.
Given, not received.
In case you went elsewhere with that.
(Give It Away; Red Hot Chili Peppers)
11 May, 2008
Live Mother
...let's all get up and dance to a song/that was a hit before your mother was born/though she was born a long, long time ago....
It was Mother's Day several years ago that I passed a cemetary, and wryly observed many people bringing live flowers to their dead mothers.
I started to cry because I suddenly realized that one day, I would be one of those people.
I bring flowers to my mother more often now.
I bet you will, too.
(Your Mother Should Know; The Beatles)
It was Mother's Day several years ago that I passed a cemetary, and wryly observed many people bringing live flowers to their dead mothers.
I started to cry because I suddenly realized that one day, I would be one of those people.
I bring flowers to my mother more often now.
I bet you will, too.
(Your Mother Should Know; The Beatles)
25 April, 2008
Easy Yes
...it's a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in bacon...mmmmmmm....
He calls. I ask if he's gone on his date yet. He hasn't. I offer to set him up with an exotic ballet teacher I know. He is enthusiastic. He asks me for a date, and so next Tuesday I'll eat something unpronounceable in Little Italy.
I think about this. If I had said No, I'm slammed, it wouldn't have been a lie, or a personal rejection, because he knows I love him forever.
Easy enough, I suppose, to ask out a woman whose first response is always Yes.
He calls. I ask if he's gone on his date yet. He hasn't. I offer to set him up with an exotic ballet teacher I know. He is enthusiastic. He asks me for a date, and so next Tuesday I'll eat something unpronounceable in Little Italy.
I think about this. If I had said No, I'm slammed, it wouldn't have been a lie, or a personal rejection, because he knows I love him forever.
Easy enough, I suppose, to ask out a woman whose first response is always Yes.