....Year 2000....

"...in the Year Two Thousand...Hugh Hefner will brag that he still has sex with 'Playboy' Playmates, though he will now define 'sex' as allowing someone to chew your food for you...." --Conan O'Brien

You did not!

"Mmm hmmm. For about a year. We lived together, actually. Then I found out he had cheated on me, and I just never could get past that."

I guess I was part of that chain. I ran around with him the summer before college. He had a girlfriend I never met.

"So there it is. Unfaithful from puberty."

Evidently. Please tell me he was lousy in bed.

Her face contorts into an 'oh, this is gonna hurt' expression.

"Actually he was pretty good."

Damn.

So much for the past.

Let's look ahead, shall we?

One of my favorite futurists, Orson Scott Card, is holding writing workshops in the future: this summer. One day in the future, I might have time to myself again... hope I'm not dead by the time that happens.

The Animal's column features that once and future evil, Fuckin' Diebold.

He spoke at JHU on bioethics yesterday, so that's in the past, but I predict more Michael Crichton in my future. I mean, please, a quote from Ian Malcolm changed my entire wardrobe, forever.

I hate to think that 'l33t' might be the language of the future, because OMFG, it suxr0xz.

Laughter in your future? A very special comedy tour.

Finally,Tim Kreider wonders why future generations will hate us.

In my future: cooking breakfast. Shopping for things I don't want. Bemoaning my fate. Driving topless.

The future looks good after all.

...got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses/ things are going great, and they're only getting better...


(The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades; Timbuk 3)