26 May, 2006

Brief Highlights

"...The harder you beat 'em, the dumber they get." ---responding officer Watts

The Incident:

The alarm on Hawk's car wakes us. We didn't know the car had an alarm when we bought it, and had to call the dealer to find out how to turn it off. We know now.

The Officer:

"Did you have the Club TM on? You gotta get the Club TM. Nobody will touch your car if you've got the Club TM on.

Oh, already this is my fault?

"It's just a couple of knuckleheaded teenagers out making trouble. We were after them two nights running, but then last night, we had that murder, so..."

I feel so reassured now.

The Agent:

No, Ma'am, I can't tell you what your coverage is. You have to file a claim, and then the representative will get back to in two hours, get a few more facts, let you know if you're covered."

And because I've filed a claim, my rates will go up whether I'm covered or not.

"No, Ma'am, that's not true. That's not true at all."

Oh, come on. I've had insurance for twenty years. I know how you people operate.

So why can't you tell me if I'm covered? You've got my file right in front of you.

"No, Ma'am, I'm not allowed to discuss this with you. You see, you're in Maryland,"

Thanks for that, I'd forgotten.

"and things might be different there. I'm in Texas."

Oh, you're in TEXAS. That explains everything.

The Representative:

"I'd like to record this, for our records. You realize you're being recorded? And you agree to this?"

Yes. That's fine. Can you tell me, now that I've been forced to file a claim, exactly what my coverage is?

"Right, so the LeBaron, you have only liability,"

That's right, because my ancient vehicle from way back yonder in 1993, was deemed too old by your company for them to agree to anything BUT liability, which, by the way, part of the reason I drive something this old is so that punkass kids out to steal cars in the 'hood will leave it alone. Sorry, you were saying?

"and on the Jeep, you've got collision and comprehensive with a $500.00 deductible."

Great. For a $200.00 piece of glass. Fabulous. And we don't have any idea what it's going to cost to replace the ignition switch and fix the steering column, which the punkass kids destroyed, after they tore their way through my back window, which by the way, was not necessary, as I'd left the rear passenger window down, so they could have just reached in and unlocked the door.

So, even though my insurance won't take care of any of this, because we've made a claim, our rates will go up?

"You know, I don't know the answer to that. That's the most frequent question I get, but I don't have the answer."

Well, if it's the most frequent question you get, don't you think you SHOULD know the answer?

Dead silence.


"Oh, Gawd, Cyb. I know exactly how you feel."

Thanks. I needed that.

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