27 July, 2004

Don't Mess

...She asked me baby what's so great/ How come you're always going on/ About your lone star state....

This posting is in honor of some of my favorite people. Jack, whatever your real name is. Because of men like you, I can permit myself to feel safe from time to time. Jay, who walks a precious balance between sweet and sleazy. Always good for amusement.Claire, a sensitive, prolific writer who actually lives in New York now. And beautiful, beautiful Jason Brown, who will forever be my favorite composer.

Three mice are sitting at a bar after the funeral
of an old friend, an Illinois mouse, killed by an
80-year-old lady with a broom. They're trying
to impress each other about how much more
together they are than the dearly departed.

The Wisconsin mouse throws down a shot of
bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar,
turns to the Iowa mouse and says, "When I
see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it
off with my foot. When the bar comes down,
I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times
to work up an appetite, and then make off with
the cheese."

The Iowa mouse orders up two shots of tequila,
drinks them down one after the other, slams
both glasses on the bar, turns to the Wisconsin
mouse and replies, "Oh yeah? Well, when I see
rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home,
grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee
each morning, so I can get a good buzz for the
rest of the day."

They both turn to the Texas mouse.

The Texas mouse finishes the beer he has in
front of him, lets out a long sigh, then says to
the two, "I don't have time for this bullshit.
I gotta go home and fuck the cat."

(That's Right(You're Not From Texas), Lyle Lovett)

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