29 July, 2004

Hoosier Daddy

...Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach/ As I want you to be....

I am deliciously clean, coated with the silky scent of a new bath bar, handmade by a lovely woodland sprite. She said it was just a fragrance, a cologne, and shrugged it off. She's amazing. I miss her, yearn for a close relationship with her, with no notion of how to go about that. She's married to a man I count among my top five friends.

He tries to be a parent instead of a friend, which is tough, since he's one of the best people to have as a friend that I've ever met.

He casually informs me that he won't be making it out here come fall. Casually, I try to take the information as something less than a fist to the gut.

Casually, I try to imagine a life without passionate attachments.

It seems pale and colorless.

If equilibrium means giving up the bright, too, I guess I'll live with the black.

(Come As You Are, Nirvana)

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